Sunday, April 14, 2013

Chapter 37: What Dulls the Pain of Loss


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"Sterren," Marrec greets his niece at the entrance to his great hall, "I thought you still in Odet."

Sterren had spent two sleepless nights in her home since her return from Odet, but she had not yet resumed her normal routine or even been able to muster the strength to go out of her house, save the one visit to Taran, so it's not surprising that word of her return had yet to reach to the Lord of Avendale. Looking over his shoulder, she she's he has guests, obviously noble from their dress, but Sterren can't name them. The woman seems familiar, but Sterren has met so many of their ilk in this hall, and tends to forget heir names and titles as soon as they are out of her sight. 


Sterren wore one of her finest gowns for her visit, and brushed her hair up as elegantly as she could without the help of a maid, an effort she normally doesn't bother with even when visiting her noble relations, partly because she's never been comfortable in finery, but also to serve as a reminder that though she is their family, she's not truly one of them, that she's free of the duty to politics that they serve under. Today was different, however, and Sterren dressed the way she knew her uncle would prefer to her dressed all the time as a somewhat vain attempt to appease him before she tells him she's spurned the suitor he intended for her and instead will marry one of his own peasants. Though it likely won't make him any less displeased with her decision, Sterren is now glad she chose this dress so that she at least won't embarrass him when he presents her to his guests as his niece.

"I returned just a few days ago," she answers, fidgeting nervously with her sleeve, gathering her words together as she prepares to give him her news.

Marrec stands firmly in front of her, as if he means to block her entry into his home. "Sterren, I am, of course, pleased to see you safely home," he says, and Sterren's brow furrow, wondering what bad news is going to follow that opening, "I know that it was I who pushed you toward the Landgraab. I welcomed him into my home and gave him every encouragement to court you. But, with the situation as it is now, Sterren, if you are his betrothed, I must ask you to leave. I will not be able to welcome you into this hall, though we are blood. If you are to be a Landgraab..."


"What?" Sterren nearly sputters.

"I am sorry for this, Sterren, truly," Marrec says again, "I wish it did not have to be this way. But I must ask that you leave now and hurry back to Odet."

"Uncle, I am not going back to Odet," Sterren says, amazed at his sudden change in attitude toward the whole Landgraab family. "I have refused Reinier's offer and will not marry him. I was tempted, I admit, by his charm, but in truth, my heart was given long ago to one of our own village, Taran Madec. I m with child, Uncle, Taran's child, and I will marry him," Sterren rushes out the last her news, hoping Marrec's pleasure at the fact that she's not betrothed to a Landgraab will at least help him accept, iif not rejoice, that she's to marry Taran.

"A peasant?" Marrec sighs in heavy resignantion, "I shall never hear and end to Gwencalon's complaints, my dear niece. But, you will marry who you will, I know that, and Taran is a good man, if lowborn. You will marry quickly I suppose, before...?" he gestures at stomach, still flat and not yet showing the child she carries inside.

"Yes, I went to Odet to ask Fransez Le Bihan to officiate at my wedding," Sterren says, piling lie on top of lie. She will have to get a message out quickly to the old priest to make this lie come true.

"While you were there, you must have visited the Landgraabs?" Marrec asks, "You must know some of what happened, spoke to some of the family?"

Sterren nods, "I was a guest in their keep for  few days," she admits, "I was there when the elder brother was murdered."



"My guests would hear your tale, then," Marrec says, leading her into the hall to introduce her to the Lady Galena Penguilly and her son, Sir Alain. As Sterren gets close to Lady Galena, she sees why her face seemed familiar, as she bears a very close resemblance to Edelina Landgraab, the widow of Diedericx. Sterren remembers Reinier's mention of cousins of Edelina who would challenge his claim on Odet, and understands, now, Marrec's sudden change of heart. He means to ally Avendale with the Penguilly family against the Landgraabs.

So Sterren tells Galena and Alain what she can about the assassination and Reinier's subsequent usurpation of his brother's title and claim on Odet, leaving out the more fantastical details of the involvement of the fair folk in her own escape from his grasp. "I had to escape through a window," she lies, getting used to it, now, "He meant to keep me prisoner." 


"And what of Edelina, my niece?" Galena asks, "We have heard she was sent away somewhere, but could not get more information than that."

"He sent her to a convent in Den Bosch, in the Landgraab homeland," Sterren says, remembering what Reinier told her. When she explains, as he had done, what a convent is, Galena gasps and chokes on a sob.

"How could he?" she moans.

"Reinier Landgraab is capable of many cruelties," Sterren says grimly, wishing she had seen that much sooner than she had.

"Did he hurt you, niece?" Marrec asks quietly, hearing the sorrow in her tone.

"Oh, no, not...not as such," Sterren says, understanding his meaning, "He meant to marry me, and held me under guard until I would agree. But he did no physical harm to me."

"How many men does he have?" Sir Alain interjects.

As the evening wears on, Sterren does her best to answer their questions, though she didn't see much of use while he was Reinier's guest.


The night grew late as she answered what questions she could, and her uncle bid her to spend the night in his house rather than send her home. 

Sterren curls up on the bed where she first made love to Reinier, wishing she could forget the pleasure she took in him. Right there, she had lain right there, and told him a story. Right there, he'd lain on top of her and asked her to be honest with him. He asked then, but never told her that the asking was just a formality, that he would take anything he was refused anyway, 


Sterren tries to sleep, but catches only brief moments of slumber before her grief wakens her again, and her night is spent on a pillow wet with her tears.


"We have my uncle's blessing," Sterren says, taking Taran's hand as she steps quietly beside him.

"Truly?" Taran asks in surprise.

"He is making an alliance with the Penguilly family against the Landgraabs," Sterren explains, "So he took the news of our betrothal well enough. Marrec is my mother's brother, he's not so rigid about title and class. Of course, my aunt will be another matter. She will likely refuse to have you for dinner."

Taran laughs, "That's something of a relief. Come, we should tell Elara this news together."


Together, Taran and Sterren tell Elara of their upcoming marriage, saving the news of the new baby for another day.

"Will you brush my hair for me, like my mother used to do?" Elara asks. She was very young when Briec died, and has only a few memories of her mother.

"Of course I will," Sterren promises, "And you may brush mine as well."


"I'd like that," Elara smiles, giving her approval.


"I'll leave you two to talk while I get dinner," Taran says, smiling at his daughter's happiness, and at his own.


After they've shared a meal and put Elara into bed for the night, Sterren lingers at the door, knowing it's past time she went home, but not able to bring herself to leave.

"Should I walk you home?" Taran asks, though Sterren is well known to brave the road to village even on the darkest nights, unafraid.

"I---I---" Sterren fumbles for words, and starts sobbing, "I haven't been sleeping well," she finally manages, "I cannot...I don't want..."


"Sterren, you can stay here, if you don't want to be alone" Taran says gently, understanding what she can't quite say. "You have a broken heart. I know how long that takes to mend, and how the loneliness eats at you. Stay with me, I'll keep you company."


"Thank you," she sighs, pressing her face against his chest as he holds her, "I can't bear another night like last night, or the night before, alone in the dark."


Her mood reverses from sorrow to contentment as she lays back against Taran's chest, just from knowing she won't spend the night alone in bed she once shared with Reinier.

"I'm not normally prone to such a depth of self-pity," she murmurs with a light laugh, "Or to such a copious amount of tears."

"Briec was much the same when she was pregnant with Elara," Taran says, "She'd cry for no reason."


"You must miss her terribly," Sterren says, moved to pity someone besides herself for the first time in the days since she escaped Odet.

"After she died, I could barely sleep for the grief. And when I did sleep, I'd wake expecting to see her in bed beside me, and grieve anew when I'd remember she was gone forever. It was like that for over a year after she passed. They say time heals all wounds...it doesn't truly. There is a part of me that will never stop hurting for what I've lost. For Elara's sake, I had to put on a brave face and carry on. That routine, more than time itself, is what dulls the pain of loss. Your life moves on, and it carries you along with it. I often thought I should look for another wife, so Elara could have a mother, but that is the one thing I could not bring myself to do."

"Are you certain you want to marry me?" Sterren asks.

Taran rests a hand above her breast, "I do, Sterren. You are as close to my heart as Briec ever was, and I look forward to being a father to your child."


Nestled against Taran's chest, held in his embrace, Sterren sleeps soundly for the first time in days.



Reinier lets the scroll roll back up after he reads the message inside. The Lady Galena Penguilly and her son have been seen visiting Marrec of Avendale. His enemies are gathering to make a move against him, which means he'll have to defend himself from traditional armies as well as assassination attempts from the wilders and their allies amongst the dragons and fair folk. Sterren, he thinks, what role does she play in all this? Was she part of the captive wilder's escape? Did she play a role in his brother's murder? Does she conspire with her uncle and he Penguilly family now? She is connected in some way to each of his enemies, and though he cannot quite piece together the puzzle of her involvement in it, the coincidence of that is too great to overlook. Did she ever love him, or was it all a ruse?

It doesn't matter, he tells himself. Whatever she was, whatever might have been, she is an enemy now.

23 comments:

  1. O.O Reinier...

    I'm glad Marrec wasn't too angry about the whole baby and marrying a peasant situation, but I suppose he has other things on his mind right now, and is just glad she's not marrying the enemy.

    I really hope Sterren can keep the baby's true parentage secret. I can't imagine what would happen if anyone found out, and I don't want to see what would happen either.

    I do really love Taran. He's such a gentleman, but I'm sure he's got stronger feelings for Sterren than she's letting on. I'm glad Elara will have a mother, and that she's happy it'll be Sterren.

    Reinier at the end. Terrifying. I want Aymeri to gather forces, swoop in and slash his pretty little head from his body. I have a feeling that won't happen, though...

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    1. Marrec definitely has a lot on his mind right now, as he might be heading into a war with the Landgraabs, and he is very relieved that his niece isn't going to marry one of them after all.
      Sterren really wants to keep the baby a secret from Reinier. He'd probably try to take the baby away from her. And Sterren just doesn't want him involved in her life, or her baby's life in any way.
      I love Taran too, and I think he'd do just about anything for Sterren. His feelings for her probably run even deeper than he realizes.

      We've mostly seen Reinier as a lover, but his other side has been coming out more. He can be pretty vicious.

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  2. Taran is truly the best man she could ever pick. I just hope he and his little girl will not have to suffer from Reinier´s wrath :(

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    1. Taran is a great guy, and he'll be a great husband.
      Luckily, Reinier doesn't even know about Taran and Elara, and with war looming, the insignificant details about a peasant marriage might get overlooked.

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  3. Oh, I didn't even think of Reinier going after Taran and Elara! Noooooo!

    I love Taran. He's the best one to help her.

    When Sterren was visiting her uncle, I worried his guests were the Goths or something. I guess those visitors are just as dangerous.

    In a very smalk itsy bitsy tiny way I feel for Reinier. Sterren isn't the only one w a broken heart. He doesn't know what to believe. If only he'd have listened to her while she was there. I hope his broken heart doesn't lead to cruelty, but I fear that's exactly what it will lead to.

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    1. Don't worry too much on that, Reinier's got bigger issues with the war, and his paranoia about the whole universe of supernaturals being out to get him.

      Taran is getting a lot of love from readers, lol. Well, he is a really great guy, and very supportive.
      The Peguillys are dangerous, in that they bring their war to Avendale. But they are also allies that will help defend the village.

      I feel for Reinier, too. As awful as he can be, he's also a product of his society, and I always feel for people who are trapped in a social role like that. The worst side of him was nurtured by his father and his culture, and the best side is something he's had to quell in service of his warrior image.
      And, he has gotten his heart broken, and doesn't know if the woman he loved ever felt anything for him, or if it was all part of a plot against him. Those fears unfortunately are going to lead him down a bad road.

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  4. The descent into madness of Reinier Landgraab. Wow. For those who deal with him I believe "speak softly and carry a big stick" will end up needing to be true. Yikes.

    And what a reward for Taran after so many years of heartache and loss. I'm glad that Sterren can feel safe with him also. It's nice to see her attempting to settle in.

    Ico? Ico and Aymeri? Ico and Aymeri and a little dragonlet? Where are they this time around?

    Oh! And So glad that Edelina's sister is as upset at what Reinier did to her as I was. That was pretty low.

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    1. Yeah, Reinier is cracking.
      Sterren does feel safe with Taran. And Sterren is someone Taran could love, after so many years of grieving the loss of his wife.

      I'm going to do a whole chapter for the dragons &fairies coming up. I was going to do some this chapter, but I got this weird issue where my screen turned totally blue, except for the UI, and all I could do was quit. So I decided to save that shoot for next time around.

      I agree, Reinier sending Edelina to a convent was pretty shitty.

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  5. Sterren and Taran. <3 I'm happy she made it back safely, although I'm worried about her secret getting out. Ya' know, the baby one. If Reinier finds out...

    I'm not going to lie - I am a little excited to see the "other" side of Reinier (as you worded it) come to life. I kinda sorta love the vicious characters that you have some strange sense of sympathy for. Just sayin'.

    Great chapter!

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    1. Yeah, if Reinier ever does find out that she has his child...it wouldn't be pretty.
      Thanks, Giga, I'm pretty excited about what's going to come in the upcoming chapters with Reinier unleashing some of his demons, so to speak. I know a lot of people will have no sympathy for him, but I do and it will be fun for me to see how this all plays out with him.

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  6. This was too short!

    For a second there I thought Sterren's uncle wouldn't believe her. I'm glad he trusted her word from the start and didn't try to send her back to Reinier.

    No matter how I look at it, Sterren's in a hot mess. She may have escaped Reinier for now, but once he sees her and adds things up, I don't think he'll let another man raise his child. He seemed awfully possessive of her. Hopefully by the time he realizes Sterren's pregnant she and Taran would have long married.

    Reinier makes me uneasy, but when he goes all paranoid like that he scares the shit out of me especially now that he sees Sterren as his enemy.

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    1. Thanks, Val!
      I know, this one was shorter than usual.
      It's true, if Reinier ever finds out Sterren has his child, he'll try to take it. He would not let another man raise a Landgraab. But information moves slowly in the middle ages, and while he's got scouts and spies to inform him of military movements and the like, the marriage and childbearing events of peasants will likely not get noticed or reported to him, so it's very likely that if he ever does learn of this child, it will be long after Sterren is married. Marrec will be too busy with war preparations himself to make a big deal of his niece's wedding, especially since Sterren herself isn't the type to want it to be a noble affair.
      Reinier has gotten paranoid since his brother was assassinated mistakenly. Since he was the actual target, he can only assume the assassins will try again.

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  7. Aww, Reinier is a poor tortured soul. I like complicated *bad* guys, it makes them more real. =) I'm sure there's a chance of Sterren's marriage sliding past him, he does have a war to fight, some assassins to obsess over, and his own impending marriage to a Goth, lol He's a busy guy!

    How fortuitous for Sterren that her Uncle wants to align himself with the Penguilly family instead of the Landgraabs! I bet that was a big relief for her. Taran, Sterren, Elara and baby make a lovely family, it's a pity it won't last.

    I'm really looking forward to the next chapter, on dragons and fairies and hopefully a certain little dragon/fairy baby! lol =D

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    1. Thanks, Nirar! I definitely didn't want Reinier to be a cartoon villain.
      I almost forgot his own impending marriage! Yes, his father is on his way now with his bride.
      Sterren would have been in a really hard place if her uncle wanted to ally with the Landgraabs.

      Aymeri & Ico's baby won't be born yet next chapter, but it won't be long. And at least we'll get to see them. LOL, I have to see what I have that's maternity enabled and suitable for Ico. Though I could see her just deciding to be nude through her pregnancy.

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  8. I'm so glad Sterren's uncle didn't make any trouble for her in marrying Taran and is going to support her and, although it will bring war to Avendale, I'm glad Edelina's family are angry with what Reinier did to her and want to stop him.

    Oh, and Taran is such a sweet guy and I'm glad Elara is as happy for him and Sterren :)

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    1. Marrec is really glad that Sterren hadn't already gotten to betrothed to Reinier, that would have fudged things up for him and his alliance with the Penguillies./ They were able to accept Deidericx as lord of Odet when he married Edelina, but Reinier's power grab after his death, and what he did to Edelina, is too much for the local nobility.
      And that does work out in Sterren's favor, so she can marry Taran.

      Taran is a sweetheart. Elara already knew Sterren pretty well, since her father was such good friends with her, so it was easier for her to accept the marriage.

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  9. It's good that Marrec is going to let Sterren marry Tarran...because she REALLY didn't need another problem on her hands. Now it looks like Reinier has marked her as a enemy and I have a feeling that tough times are ahead for Sterren :O

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    1. Yeah, you said it Aeon. The last thing Sterren needed now was for her uncle to turn on her.
      There will be tough times ahead, it's true.

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  10. Poor Reinier. He's got so much shit piling up around him, not to mention trying to run the land now since his brother died. I'd hate to be in his position. That last picture, *fans self* I stared at that way too long. Sounds like impending war or some kind of conflict is happening... exciting!

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    1. Reinier does have a lot going on right now.
      He does look god in that picture, I can't remember what pose pack that's from, but I love it.
      There is an impending war with the family of Reinier's brother's wife, and their allies, like Sterren's uncle. And of course Reinier still fears more assassination plots against him.

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  11. Reinier is really paranoid. He made himself what he is and blames everyone else. Everyone is against him, of course. I bet only his church will be on his side, with their hands wide open for tithe, and then some.

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    1. Reinier has gotten a little paranoid there. His church will definitely be on his side, and he'll use it to further his own agenda. It won't be a pretty combination.

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  12. Yep, I knew it, Reinier feels that Sterren was a distraction of sorts and is out to get her, one way or the other. His intentions are not very clear but it can't be good. I really just hope he finds out she is not with child and if he does, he never finds out it's his. His whole chruch belief and himself, the whole system is very screwed up, it's almost as if he lets them think for him, very odd....edenz~

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